HOW POOR COMMUNICATION MAKE CHILDREN DISOBEDIENT.
God uses our children to refine and mold us, at one time or another they been disobedient to us, talk back at us, or exasperate us.
We often remember what a wise decision is, focus on developing good communication with your child or children. Build your relationship because that’s what will see you through the stormy days.
God entrusts our children into our care, so we can communicate to them that He (God) loves them deeply and calls them to love and serve Him. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7).
Yet transmitting our faith means more than just talking about it. We convey God’s love best by modelling and living it out. Many parents unknowingly provoke their children to rebel by using unhealthy patterns of interaction.
Using loving and caring words will bring our children closer to us. Just like God our Father relates to us lovingly, this should be the way to our children.
FIVE (5) MISTAKES TO BE AVOIDED WHEN COMMUNICATING OUR KIDS.
1. Using angry words on them:
As parents, I know that there is a way our children behave and it can lead us to talk rashly to them. Most times it looks frustrating and we think of giving up on them.
However, we often don’t realise that careless, angry words, spoken in a moment, can affect our children throughout their lifetime.
Using words like, “What is wrong with you?”, “Can’t you behave well?”
Honestly, these rashly and abusive words can loosen their self-esteem and also build a wall between us and our kids. Most importantly, we should know that these children have feelings as humans, despite the fact that they are not responding the way we expect but let our rebuke be done in Love.
2. Refusing to Apologise:
As much as we know we are supposed to stay calm and be careful not blow up at our children, we were like them in the time past, we should approach them with the understanding that they are kids with feeble emotions.
They don’t see things the way we see it. Their perspective is quite different from us, their parents.
Let us try to apologise each time we talk to them angrily, it will be a beautiful way to resolve issues with them easily. This humble attitude will definitely bring them closer to us.
I have two Splendid children that most times I also apologise to them and this ease my heart peacefully. I would also like our parents to do the same, don’t think that a child is a child, therefore doesn’t need an apology, that is a wrong misconception.
3. Not being a good parent:
In today’s busy, technological driven world, giving our children adequate time has become a questionable issue, we are always engrossed with our daily busy schedule, thereby neglecting the emotional needs of our children, presumably, this is one of the reasons they rebel against our instructions because they feel uncared for.
There are many factors that cause depression in our children, like children who don’t eat dinner with their parents and spend most evenings alone may lack the privilege to develop a strong parental relationship.
To develop a healthy relationship with their parents, children need time, not only quality time but also a generous quantity of time.
Our kids need our attention in so many ways like assisting them in their homework, listening to their complaints or finding out the subject they find difficult at school. These make them feel valued and a sense of belonging.
Know this, no child behave rebelliously if his or her parents treat him or her this way.
4. Not listening to our children:
If children feel their parents don’t listen, their frustration grows. As an adult feel frustrated when people don’t listen to you while talking to them, it is also the same way these children feel.
The book of James 1:19-20 admonishes us, “my dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Listening not only helps us solve conflicts, but it also improves our daily relationships. If parents make an effort to stop what they are doing, look at their children in the eyes, and listen carefully, it helps communicate value.
Know this, our children will feel loved, and they will want to communicate with parents who ask questions and listen intently.
5. Insisting Children conform to your views:
Conflict arises in the family when we want our children to conform to our views, probably our rules and regulations. As our children grow, they also have their own demands, likes and dislikes, as we do.
Enforcing your ideas most times on them doesn’t mean well, instead be patient to find out why they are behaving differently.
Obviously, these children aren’t slaves to us but humans who have freedom of choice and expression as we do. Try to have a dialogue with your children, the innocence in them will unveil and things will work out perfectly.
May God give us wisdom as we work on these principles.